New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
FUCK WHALES
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