Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
