yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
