Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
