Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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