I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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