better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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