sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
