you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
