But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
