so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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