It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
