I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
