My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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