I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
