He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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