why didn't you poke me back
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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