College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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