The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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