He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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