Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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