if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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