theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
