these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
