Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You pole danced in your parka.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
