He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
