you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
