after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
