BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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