dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
