i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
