If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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