woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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