So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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