whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
