I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
