I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
