Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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