if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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