i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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