Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
