You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?