I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting