I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.