UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
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I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.