k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
