2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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