I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
