i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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