I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
