Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize