also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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