Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
