I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
