Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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