Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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