The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
