Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
