Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
