My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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