Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
