im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I touched a dick in church today
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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