you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
