I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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