So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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