I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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