so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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